Note: While we acknowledge that this is not a story of discrimination, it clearly demonstrates the consequences people face when they feel they have to remain closeted to be safe in their own community.
There's a saying in the gay community that "We come out of the closet when our pain of remaining in it becomes greater than our fear of leaving it."
This man's pain is something many of us have experienced and can relate to.
I'm not 'out' at work because of my fear of my colleagues' reactions. I was married for years and that's how they know me. I fear rejection, the looks of unspoken ridicule (that would not violate anti-harassment policies) and at the same time would probably find a sense of freedom I currently don't have.
Because I'm divorced, I hide behind the false veneer of heterosexuality. I avoid places that are openly gay where I could feel comfortable with others like me but might be seen by colleagues. I avoid browsing the 'Gay and Lesbian' section at the bookstores where I could learn more, but also be seen and 'outed'.
I was in my early 40s before I even met someone who was openly gay. Prior to that, I carried my secret under the mistaken belief, if I don't tell, it won't matter. But the truth demands to be told. I never had any support for being honest--with myself or with others.
I do not let people close to me, maintaining a very private personal life, which condemns me to loneliness. I've just recently started attending gatherings for gays, in an attempt to develop some sort of social connection, but dread being seen by someone I know from work. Clinical depression is my constant companion; though under treatment, it casts a gray pall over my life.
I don't date; and if I met someone I would feel ill at ease going through the community like anyone else.
(male, gay, closeted)
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Local restaurant experience
I have not [experienced discrimination], but then, I'm a straight woman.
I do have friends who are gay, bi, and transgendered, however, and most (if not all) of them have experienced some discrimination in public places. For example, I was recently with a friend at a local restaurant, and the waitress was extremely rude to my friend -- she made a remark to another patron (in our hearing) about "fags"; we had to wait longer than other patrons for service.
We were quite angry, and walked out. We were told no manager was on duty that night, so we couldn't complain directly, but I called the restaurant the next day. Management didn't seem terribly concerned about our experience.
(female, straight)
I do have friends who are gay, bi, and transgendered, however, and most (if not all) of them have experienced some discrimination in public places. For example, I was recently with a friend at a local restaurant, and the waitress was extremely rude to my friend -- she made a remark to another patron (in our hearing) about "fags"; we had to wait longer than other patrons for service.
We were quite angry, and walked out. We were told no manager was on duty that night, so we couldn't complain directly, but I called the restaurant the next day. Management didn't seem terribly concerned about our experience.
(female, straight)
Anti-gay harassment?
When I formerly worked for a local bank, several co-workers would refer to my partner of 4 years as my "friend" using air quotes, despite the fact that I referred to him as my partner.
(male, gay)
(male, gay)
Hostile work environment
My boss has talked to me about not having a problem with gays. In fact he has "helped" a lot of gay men he knows "change their ways"! He hired me knowing I was gay, and has had a problem with it the whole time I have been working here.
I have never worked in a more hostile environment because of it!
(lesbian)
I have never worked in a more hostile environment because of it!
(lesbian)
Fired (straight) Arby's worker wins lawsuit
Note: What people don't realize is that you don't have to be gay to face discrimination on the basis of your sexual orientation or perceived orientation. This case, from the South Bend Tribune, illustrates that.
And another important point: The only reason she won the case is because the company didn't file papers on time. If they had, she wouldn't have had grounds to pursue the case.
Fired Arby's worker wins lawsuit
Claims friendship with gay co-worker led to harassment.
September 19, 2007
JEFF PARROTT Tribune Staff Writer
A St. Joseph County judge has awarded more than $50,000 in damages to a former Arby's employee who claimed that co-workers and male supervisors incorrectly believed she had a homosexual relationship with a co-worker and then harassed her over it.
Stacy McAnally's lawsuit, filed in 2004, claimed that the restaurant's owner, Mishawaka-based franchisee Best Beef Inc., not only did nothing to stop the harassment, but fired her in retaliation for reporting it.
McAnally, then a 32-year-old married mother of two, started working at the company's Plymouth Arby's in September 2003. After she became friends with an "openly gay" co-worker, two weeks into the job, rumors that the two women were lovers started circulating among employees, McAnally claimed in a complaint she filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.
After her general manager, a woman, asked the gay co-worker if she was McAnally's "girlfriend," McAnally complained to the company's district manager. Four days later, and about four months after she was hired, she was fired "because I was not a team player," McAnally told the EEOC.
Best Beef claimed in court documents that it fired McAnally for failing to perform her duties and for missing work.
The company also claimed that it investigated McAnally's harassment claims but found no basis for them.
But the company never had the chance to formally argue its case in court because it missed the deadline for filing a response to McAnally's initial lawsuit.
That meant McAnally won by default. Best Beef acknowledged that its human resources manager had received a copy of the lawsuit in December 2004, but she was so overwhelmed with paperwork connected to the planned sale of 15 local Arby's locations to a Georgia-based company, that she temporarily misplaced the document, failing to forward it to Best Beef's attorney until four days after Circuit Court Judge Michael Gotsch entered the default judgment.
Best Beef asked Gotsch to set aside his judgment, citing "excusable neglect," a legal term defined in Indiana 's trial rules. But Gotsch denied that motion.
McAnally, of Rochester , could not be reached for comment. Her Valparaiso-based attorney, Anna Hearn, said she is happy with the verdict.
McAnally's co-workers started harassing her after she began giving the gay employee rides home from work, Hearn said.
"They called her (derogatory terms referencing homosexual women, including at least one sexually explicit term) ... there was speculation that someone urinated in her drink," Hearn said. "She spit it out and said it smelled like urine.
"McAnally claimed in court documents that the harassment drove her to seek mental health treatment for severe depression.
Gotsch awarded McAnally less than one-third of the $169,000 in damages she requested in her closing statements. The $50,873 included $25,000 in punitive damages, meant to punish Best Beef; $11,420 in compensatory damages, $6,239 in attorney fees, $4,305 in lost back pay; and $3,908 in prejudgment interest, which is meant to recoup interest on money a plaintiff would have had, absent a defendant's wrongdoing.
Best Beef's attorney, Christopher Potts of South Bend , could not be reached for comment. A woman who answered a local phone number listed for Best Beef referred The Tribune to an office in South Carolina . A voice mail left at that number, for "Best Beef of Carolina," an Arby's franchisee, was not returned.
Staff writer Jeff Parrott:
jparrott@sbtinfo.com
(574) 235-6320
And another important point: The only reason she won the case is because the company didn't file papers on time. If they had, she wouldn't have had grounds to pursue the case.
Fired Arby's worker wins lawsuit
Claims friendship with gay co-worker led to harassment.
September 19, 2007
JEFF PARROTT Tribune Staff Writer
A St. Joseph County judge has awarded more than $50,000 in damages to a former Arby's employee who claimed that co-workers and male supervisors incorrectly believed she had a homosexual relationship with a co-worker and then harassed her over it.
Stacy McAnally's lawsuit, filed in 2004, claimed that the restaurant's owner, Mishawaka-based franchisee Best Beef Inc., not only did nothing to stop the harassment, but fired her in retaliation for reporting it.
McAnally, then a 32-year-old married mother of two, started working at the company's Plymouth Arby's in September 2003. After she became friends with an "openly gay" co-worker, two weeks into the job, rumors that the two women were lovers started circulating among employees, McAnally claimed in a complaint she filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.
After her general manager, a woman, asked the gay co-worker if she was McAnally's "girlfriend," McAnally complained to the company's district manager. Four days later, and about four months after she was hired, she was fired "because I was not a team player," McAnally told the EEOC.
Best Beef claimed in court documents that it fired McAnally for failing to perform her duties and for missing work.
The company also claimed that it investigated McAnally's harassment claims but found no basis for them.
But the company never had the chance to formally argue its case in court because it missed the deadline for filing a response to McAnally's initial lawsuit.
That meant McAnally won by default. Best Beef acknowledged that its human resources manager had received a copy of the lawsuit in December 2004, but she was so overwhelmed with paperwork connected to the planned sale of 15 local Arby's locations to a Georgia-based company, that she temporarily misplaced the document, failing to forward it to Best Beef's attorney until four days after Circuit Court Judge Michael Gotsch entered the default judgment.
Best Beef asked Gotsch to set aside his judgment, citing "excusable neglect," a legal term defined in Indiana 's trial rules. But Gotsch denied that motion.
McAnally, of Rochester , could not be reached for comment. Her Valparaiso-based attorney, Anna Hearn, said she is happy with the verdict.
McAnally's co-workers started harassing her after she began giving the gay employee rides home from work, Hearn said.
"They called her (derogatory terms referencing homosexual women, including at least one sexually explicit term) ... there was speculation that someone urinated in her drink," Hearn said. "She spit it out and said it smelled like urine.
"McAnally claimed in court documents that the harassment drove her to seek mental health treatment for severe depression.
Gotsch awarded McAnally less than one-third of the $169,000 in damages she requested in her closing statements. The $50,873 included $25,000 in punitive damages, meant to punish Best Beef; $11,420 in compensatory damages, $6,239 in attorney fees, $4,305 in lost back pay; and $3,908 in prejudgment interest, which is meant to recoup interest on money a plaintiff would have had, absent a defendant's wrongdoing.
Best Beef's attorney, Christopher Potts of South Bend , could not be reached for comment. A woman who answered a local phone number listed for Best Beef referred The Tribune to an office in South Carolina . A voice mail left at that number, for "Best Beef of Carolina," an Arby's franchisee, was not returned.
Staff writer Jeff Parrott:
jparrott@sbtinfo.com
(574) 235-6320
Welcome to South Bend's Virtual Human Rights Commission
What is a Virtual Human Rights Commission?
Since our Common Council has refused to allow South Bend's Human Rights Commission to investigate allegations of discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity, this is really the only place we have where those stories can be heard. It's our way of giving a voice to those who feel they've been discriminated against on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity.
It should be noted that heterosexuality is also an orientation so a straight person could also be discriminated against on this status.
Also, since our Human Rights Ordinance includes perception, one doesn't actually have to be LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered) or heterosexual to be discriminated against.
Isn't it already illegal to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity?
Currently, it is perfectly legal to discriminate on that basis. Our Common Council has the power to rectify this situation but has refused to do so.
Does discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation actually exist?
According to the South Bend Human Rights Commission, it does. In January of 2005, they issued this statement:
"The South Bend Human Rights Commission is an agency of the City of South Bend, Indiana, committed to fair and equal treatment of all human beings. It is the responsibility and duty of the Human Rights Commission to make sure that no human being is mistreated based on status, without making value or moral judgments.
"Gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered (G,L,B&T) persons have experienced mistreatment based on their G,L,B&T status. The South Bend Human Rights Commission supports and encourages the South Bend Common Council to hear from the general public, to explore, investigate and to determine the degree to which G,L,B&T persons have been treated adversely within the City of South Bend due to their G,L,B&T status. The South Bend Human Rights Commission further encourages the South Bend Common Council, working cooperatively with the South Bend Human Rights Commission, to create an appropriate remedy."
Some in our community have tried to deny this, but the HRC statement clearly indicates this does exist.
What will we do for you?
We are simply here to give a voice to those who believe they've been discriminated against on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. We have no authority to investigate, verify information or act on anyone's behalf.
If our Common Council were to amend South Bend's Human Rights Ordinance to include sexual orientation and gender identity, you could go to our Human Rights Commission and fill out their information request form. They would then conduct interviews and investigate the allegations. If those allegations can be substantiated, the HRC would work to mediate and reach concilliation.
What won't we do?
We won't post any names, either of those claiming discrimination or those who have been accused. The exception to this would be stories gathered that have already been verified by other sources.
What type of stories will we post?
We will post stories of discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity in the areas of employment, education, public accommodation and housing.
How do you tell your story?
You can email your story to info@sbequality.org where we will review it and edit out any identifying information before posting.
Since our Common Council has refused to allow South Bend's Human Rights Commission to investigate allegations of discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity, this is really the only place we have where those stories can be heard. It's our way of giving a voice to those who feel they've been discriminated against on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity.
It should be noted that heterosexuality is also an orientation so a straight person could also be discriminated against on this status.
Also, since our Human Rights Ordinance includes perception, one doesn't actually have to be LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered) or heterosexual to be discriminated against.
Isn't it already illegal to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity?
Currently, it is perfectly legal to discriminate on that basis. Our Common Council has the power to rectify this situation but has refused to do so.
Does discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation actually exist?
According to the South Bend Human Rights Commission, it does. In January of 2005, they issued this statement:
"The South Bend Human Rights Commission is an agency of the City of South Bend, Indiana, committed to fair and equal treatment of all human beings. It is the responsibility and duty of the Human Rights Commission to make sure that no human being is mistreated based on status, without making value or moral judgments.
"Gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered (G,L,B&T) persons have experienced mistreatment based on their G,L,B&T status. The South Bend Human Rights Commission supports and encourages the South Bend Common Council to hear from the general public, to explore, investigate and to determine the degree to which G,L,B&T persons have been treated adversely within the City of South Bend due to their G,L,B&T status. The South Bend Human Rights Commission further encourages the South Bend Common Council, working cooperatively with the South Bend Human Rights Commission, to create an appropriate remedy."
Some in our community have tried to deny this, but the HRC statement clearly indicates this does exist.
What will we do for you?
We are simply here to give a voice to those who believe they've been discriminated against on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. We have no authority to investigate, verify information or act on anyone's behalf.
If our Common Council were to amend South Bend's Human Rights Ordinance to include sexual orientation and gender identity, you could go to our Human Rights Commission and fill out their information request form. They would then conduct interviews and investigate the allegations. If those allegations can be substantiated, the HRC would work to mediate and reach concilliation.
What won't we do?
We won't post any names, either of those claiming discrimination or those who have been accused. The exception to this would be stories gathered that have already been verified by other sources.
What type of stories will we post?
We will post stories of discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity in the areas of employment, education, public accommodation and housing.
How do you tell your story?
You can email your story to info@sbequality.org where we will review it and edit out any identifying information before posting.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
